Brewer, schmewer

I just heard the crackpot idea that a certain diet is 100% successful in preventing preeclampsia. (Pardon me a moment while I laugh until I pee my pants. There, all done.)

There is so much to criticize about the diet's "official" website, I wouldn't even know where to begin. (Ok, I'll begin with the notion that there are still OBs out there putting pregnant women on diet pills. Seriously?) Leaving aside the inflammatory language and ridiculous claims, the diet itself doesn't look that strange to me after just a cursory glance. It looked pretty balanced, with a variety of fruits, veggies, whole grains, and a lot of protein. The Brewer Diet seems to be all about protein. Eat enough of it, and nothing bad will ever happen to you!

The funny this is, I was eating a lot of protein. When we realized that Claire was petite, I was put on a quadruple dose of folic acid and a high-protein diet to help her bulk up. That was challenging, because my morning sickness came with an aversion to meat, seafood, nuts, and all but the blandest cheeses. I could occasionally choke down tofu or scrambled eggs. I drank a lot of Ensure shakes. My OB suggested going to Jamba Juice and getting smoothies with the protein boosters, but the one time I tried that, there was such an unfortunate morning sickness incident that I may never be able to eat peaches again.

When I was admitted to the hospital, the perinatologist specified a specific level of protein for my diet. One day he looked at me a little strangely and asked, "Are you getting enough protein?" (I still have no idea what inspired him to ask the question.) I said that I didn't think so, and within half an hour a slightly defensive nutritionist showed up in my room with menus and a calculator, and we went through the protein she'd been sending on my meal trays.

Finally she said, "And then there's the chocolate pregnancy shake every night, that's 50 grams of protein." *

Oops.

Here's the thing: that milkshake was disgusting. I was terribly sick and stuck in bed all day, and although at that point I was past morning sickness and would eat almost anything, for the first time in my life I didn't have much appetite. I could only eat about half of the food they sent me, and I figured that a chocolate milk shake before bed was a nice treat, but mostly empty calories. James would get to the hospital in the evenings after the cafeteria closed, and we didn't realize at that point that we could order him a hospital tray for a few dollars. So, I usually gave him my chocolate shake to supplement whatever fast food he had picked up for himself.

I did not admit this to the nutritionist. Instead I (probably unconvincingly) said, "Oh, of course! The shake! You know, it just tastes so good, I forget to think of it as nutrition! You're right, I'm getting plenty of protein! Thanks so much for coming by!"

After that, I drank the shake. I can still taste the chalkiness when I think about it. Maybe that was powdered protein?

If only I'd known that drinking that shake would have solved all of our problems!


* Or some absurdly high amount, I don't remember the exact number of grams anymore.